about maie

1. I believe in doubt
2. I <3 cars, but know nothing about the mechanics of them.

3. I’m 5’6” tall
4. When I was young, I thought I had a girl’s brain in a boy’s body. Now that I’m all adult and sufficiently masculinized, I am nowhere near transsexualism and am instead a moderately masculine gay.
5. When I was a kid, I loved ancient history for two reasons: it involved lots of wars with ancient weaponry and technology, and most of the books had pictures of men in loincloths.
6. I like pointing out that I’m a Cancer because of the Panic! lyric
7. I’m horribly germophobic and always put toilet paper on the seats in public restrooms.
8. I’m not arachnophobic and spiders usually don’t bother me. But bugs like roaches freak me out, I won’t even touch them with something I’ll touch later (like a shoe). Earthworms, leaches, and tapeworms are even worse.
9. Sometimes, when no one’s online, I wonder if people actually are and they just blocked me to appear offline to me. I know it’s paranoid, but it doesn’t stop my gut from raising the question.
10. This blog isn’t really me, and yet it still kind of is, and I guess that’s good enough.
11. Chess is an awesome game, but I’m not very good at it.
12. My favorite book is Ender’s Game
13. I was born in a small town in Mississippi
14. I adore the idea of living in Liguria when I can–especially Portofino
15. Peter Pan is my role model
16. I actually really like William Shakespeare and Charles Dickens; I thought War & Peace was amazing and genuinely enjoyed Pere Goriot.
17. I still like Pokemon
18. Sometimes I wonder whether I like (Star Trek) Voyager just because I like strong females. I also wonder why I like strong females, since no type of female arouses me at all.
19. I once saw final fantasy tactics when I was a kid and thought it was amazing. Something caused me to remember it a few months ago, so I went out and bought it. I was right. It is amazing.
20. I love going to NASA just to have Dippin’ Dots in their awesome little visitor center area.
21. I think the most attractive fictional guy I’ve ever seen is Tidus from Final Fantasy X
22. I have been alive for 21 years, 6 months, and 16 days (at the moment)
23. I love Kentucky Lake
24. The only class I’ve ever gotten a C in was Calculus 2 (well, it was a C+)
25. I have started approximately five books. None has gotten past the fifth chapter, but looking back some are really embarassing because of what they reveal about the development of my sexuality.
26. I was overweight from about age 10 to about age 13.
27. I honestly believe anime has had more dramatic influences on my sexuality than anything else.

28. I have a James Bond (more precisely, Heero Yuy to those who know him) complex. I want to drive fast cars, I want to learn how to drive them very well, I’m learning how to draw and shoot quickly and accurately, I want to learn Ninjitsu, I want to learn how to hack.
29. I want to learn to trade options, specifically credit spreads, but I don’t know how or where is the best place to learn, and there are so many leads my mind recoils to think about it.
30. I was clinically depressed in high school. So when I came out to my parents and they sent me to a psychologist hoping to make me straight, I ignored his eagerness for hypnotherapy. When the second psychologist understood I had no interest in becoming straight, I stayed on and we discussed my life. I got diagnosed, and I think our talks helped a lot and that I’m not depressed any more.
31. I have this weird habit/tick/thing where I rub the skin at the base of my fingernails against the seams of clothes, or similarly slightly irregular fabric surfaces, until the skin is caught and chafed.
32. I have very poor vision—without my contacts or glasses, I’m more than halfway to being legally blind.
33. I sleep naked because I hate the feeling of getting clothes wrapped around me and tangled
34. I have an iPhone and think it’s great. I don’t have any other Macintosh machines and don’t have strong feelings about this.
35. I have never broken a single bone in my body. The only times I’ve ever had surgery was to remove my wisdom teeth and 12-year molars, and to remove two extra baby teeth which grew in over my top two front teeth.
36. My favorite song as a kid was “American Pie.” Years and years later I realized it was a nuclear apocalypse metaphor.
37. I love cake.
38. There were a bunch of far more interesting facts in here, but then I copied a different working copy over without realizing I was losing the changes
39. I have a deviantart I haven’t updated in years

40. I know (and intentionally cultivate) a boyish/feminine look. People often seem surprised to find out that I very much see myself as a husband type personality. I did my best to keep my parents, society, school, and anyone else from indoctrinating me blindly, and to an extent it worked–however, I was unable to notice or realize how much I was learning a gender role, and have internalized very much the white male provider image.
41. I may be a bit of a narcissist, but who wouldn’t be a devoted follower of Narcissus?
42. I’ve read A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but I’ve never seen the movie.
43. My favorite season is autumn.
44. When I was in kindergarten I had a small photograph of my Dad in a red plastic frame; the edges of the frame were square, but the interior cut-out was shaped like a heart, so you only saw the part of the picture that was in the heart-shape. When I would get in trouble and my mom would make me go to my room, I would look at the photo and cry and say that my Dad would never make me do that, that he would understand, that it wasn’t fair, and ask why I had to be in my room. He was at work, and I’m sure had no idea this was going on.
45. When I was younger I was a grammar Nazi, but now I don’t care
46. I’ve taken a year and half of Latin, two years of French, one semester of Russian and one semester of Spanish. I can actually remember a very small amount of the French, but only because I spent three weeks there one summer while I was in high school. (and, lately, due to a few conversations with new friends in it)
47. I love cities and urban construction. Hong Kong is the most vertical city in the world, and I want to own a condo on a floor higher than 50 in Hong Kong one day with a wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling window facing the rest of the city.
48. I’m an anarchist.

49. Recently, I came across a description of the Goth scene in Germany. I looked up some of the terms. They have it so much cooler than we do. And, for a long time, I’d been a fan of the precious few steam-punk things to make it over here, like Age of Legends. I now know I have a steam punk fetish. And I want to live in Italy even more, so as to be able to participate in German Goth culture by taking an amazing drive across some Alps.
50. I have a tremendous phobia for people who have been maimed/are physically disfigured/are mentally handicapped. I intellectually acknowledge that this is unreasonable and that it probably makes me a horrible person, but I can’t help it. I think I’m subconsciously terrified that these are somehow contagious.
51. I love the idea of the potential of the human brain under hypnosis, but I’m too paranoid and controlling to trust an hypnotist, so I’d like to eventually learn auto-hypnosis.
52. I am a diet soda JUNKIE. At some point I decided I was sufficiently smart that I could afford to kill a few brain cells and switched from regular soda to diet in order to lose weight. It worked, but I still drink five sodas a day.
53. Over the last few years I’ve started taking care of myself, learned how to style my hair, have started working out/watching what I eat, and redone my wardrobe with clothes I’ve been able to buy without parental supervision. The director of plays at my church has said that now I look like a bimbo, and doesn’t it bother me that people will think I’m dumb because I’m relatively attractive (well, he actually said hot, but I hesitate to describe myself that way). The answer is no, it doesn’t bother me if people think I’m dumb. It gives me a lot of opportunities :P
54. Sexually, I’m vers (versatile) as far as my physiological interests; however, I tend to associate sex very much with identity, communication, and other abstract concepts. Given my hyper-masculinized gender identity, I would feel wrong performing (going through with the actions of) a passive or receptive role in sex.
55. I took and/or made all of the media on this page.
56. I’m shamelessly a spoiled rich kid. You all have the right to hate me if you so choose. I have no defense.
57. My favorite city I’ve ever lived in was St. Louis. Ballwin Elementary, you are a lot nicer in retrospect. And I miss having snow.
58. I am a keeper of secrets
59. I’ve gone on a few dates, but I’ve never dated anyone.
60. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not really a good friend and counselor, but am just an enabler.
61. My parents have maintained that I have a larger vocabulary than they do ever since I used the word “archipelago” in a sentence and had to define it for them.
62. At that point in time, I thought it was pronounced “Ar-chuh-PUH-lahg-oh;” when I figured out the correct pronunciation, I had to explain it’s meaning to my parents a second time.
63. I am fantastically ignorant of pop culture
64. From about age 10 to age 14, I was an agnostic because I could neither resolve the origin of a God or gods, nor the inconsistencies of the big bang theory.
65. I want there to be self-supporting space colonies before I die, and one of my (probably my loftiest) ambitions is to make that happen.
66. My birthstone is pearl, but I prefer June’s “alternate” birthstone of alexandrite.
67. I have one piercing, in my left ear.
68. My cleaning style is carpet-bombing.
69. I am an aggressive driver.
70. I still think Pluto ought to be a planet.
71. Vodka is my favorite hard liquor.

72. I worked at the Rainforest Café for months and was miserable, but actually I still love eating there.
73. I like loud clothes, and cars with obnoxious colors, and graffiti.
74. I think the Giver was better and more profound than both Fahrenheit 451 and 1984, and to anyone who thinks it’s a kid’s book: up yours.
75. I have this nostalgic memory of playing the original Red Alert in my old bedroom, at my computer at my old desk, when I was a kid, during winter while watching it snow outside my window. However, I lived in Houston and I know which years it snowed, and it never did during my Red Alert days.
76. I value skills I’ve never had the patience to learn, but really want to, like lock picking, pickpocketing, and meditation.
77. I want to learn Japanese so I can play Gihren’s Greed, a Gundam game which I bought from a Japanese vendor and which I bought a Japanese Dreamcast to play.
78. At some point I want to read Paradise Lost and more of Edgar Allen Poe.
79. I sometimes question my sanity, autonomy, and the individuality of my identity, in a metaphysical kind of way.
80. I love demotivators.
81. When I first saw Charlie and the Chocolate factory in second grade it gave me nightmares. I never watched it again.
82. I have a hyper-strong circadian rhythm. Jet lag is a bitch.
83. I have never driven across (crossed while in an automobile) any international boundary, but I’ve been in 10 foreign countries on four continents.
84. I think the Hanging Gardens was the coolest of the seven wonders of the world.
85. Since I still need to be able to, you know, get a professional job and everything, I intend to keep my images a-sexual and rely purely on “cute” appeal. So I’m going to avoid any kind of midriff exposure or shirtless shots, and try and keep things completely professional.

86. I’ve been in medieval castles in France, and I wouldn’t mind living in one.
87. If you really read all of this, I <3 you. Thanks for caring that much about me. That’s some mad dedication skill. If you aren’t one of the people who already know me and who I harass on a regular basis to come read this blog, but think you might actually be interested in getting to know me, use this:

island0fmisfittoyz@yahoo.com

88. I claim not to like seafood, but in reality most of it just grosses me out. I hate the idea of eating raw food, of eating entire (or almost entire) animals like shrimp, and the way my parents prepare fish leaves it so that you can still see the shape of it and know where everything was, and that totally freaks me out.
89. The W12 Volkswagen Phaeton is not only the most under-rated car in the world, I think it’s also quite possibly the best car in the world. I don’t want one, but that doesn’t make it any less good.
90. I sometimes fantasize about all the people in the world being shrunk to an average height of one inch, and having to start over, in an environment with proportionally massive structures and animals, converting remote-control cars, planes and boats to get around, and creating pheromone-emitting devices to tame and control insects as mounts and pets.
91. I miss playing in ball pits.
92. I hate almost all mainstream sports. Conversely, I love skateboarding, rock-climbing, paintball, and all things similar.
93. When my family went to Canada one Thanksgiving, we stayed in a really cool hotel in Banff, a lodge in Jasper, and a hotel in a third city in that general area which had the most amazing virgin strawberry daiquiris. I have no idea what the place was called, but I will never forget those daiquiris. We played Risk in the lounge there and I won.
94. I love the idea of being a brain surgeon, but I’m too squeamish to actually do any kind of surgery or even look at open wounds.
95. When I was first told I was clinically depressed I didn’t believe it, because I knew I hardly ever felt the emotion which I had buried years before. I’m over being depressed now (I think), but the emotions still don’t flow that easily. Much of the time I don’t feel an emotion, and the deep ones are kind of hard to evoke.
96. I first discovered that my hair could be blown straight, and look really good when it happened, while riding in the bow of my grandparents’ runabout on Kentucky Lake at 30 mph. This was about five years ago and pretty much marks the turning point in when I started getting somewhat capable of making myself pretty.
97. I hope to God this thing works
98. Exactly one of these is a lie
99. These will probably change from time to time. No promises though.